Like many caregivers I have to learn to be more selfish. To ask for help when I need help. To be willing to say no when I need to say no. To look out the window in the middle of the work day, and marvel at the clouds painted behind the fir trees. To watch the eagle children begin their work of learning the neighborhood. To watch the slow breaking down of metal roofs. But mostly, to remember that it is ok to say “I need this for my body, to start loving my body, to start feeling that my body is beautiful.” C is offering me services in that direction on Friday. We’ll see if that is good. If that gives me reasons to be joyous in a less bingy way and more in a “this is my body, and it deserves attention” kind of way.
Learning to say no when people need supports, when you don’t have capacity to give them. That’s a key thing, too. It’s hard when people struggle. And it’s ok to say no.
The world struggles and it snorts and it is rough and it is hard. And we do what we can. And sometimes, that means retreat.